Number One Effective Leadership Skill

Leaders speak up when they need to. They speak up when others behave inappropriately. They speak up when they see dangerous things happening. They speak up when they see injustice. They speak up when they see discrimination. They speak up when they see stupid things happening.

One of my clients, a young Nurse Manager, this week realised that she needed to speak up on behalf of a patient she was concerned about. She revealed that, prior to undertaking leadership training and coaching, she would never have had the courage to speak up as she did, that she would have worried all night about her patient, not slept, become resentful with the rather scary team member whose care she was questioning, and generally tie herself up in knots over her passivity and lack of confidence. Not to mention the potentially very poor outcome for the patient.

Everyone (apart from confirmed sociopaths) fears confrontation. We avoid confrontation or difficult conversations because we fear the response, we fear losing control emotionally, we fear the other person not liking us and we fear not knowing the right words to say. In my years of training people in assertive communication, I cannot think of one person who says they enjoy confronting poor behaviour or work issues. It takes courage and preparation and rehearsal and support and more courage and practice and skill.

My client spoke up clearly and calmly, and arranged for a team review of the care of the very, very sick patient, some tweaks were made to the care and so far the patient is alive and on the improve. My client said she felt sick before, during and after the conversation but was so proud of her ability to stick to her course and achieve a good outcome for her patient and herself. She handed over to night shift, went home, had a sound night sleep and returned to work the next day to find the patient improved. Her colleague has displayed some sulky and passive-aggressive behaviours to her-code for “I don’t like what you said to me the other night” often used by sulky passive- aggressive types-common to all work places-in itself -a whole topic worthy of another blog!

I agreed that she had done the right thing for her patient and herself but also for her standing in her team. She had shown courage, calm and management accountability to the rest of the team. Even those nurses and doctors not on that night would have heard of the conversation-work grape vines work very well, especially when the boss takes charge and behaves as she did.

On reflection she told me that the key lesson from the experience was that she could speak up; that the experience was hard but with worthy outcomes and that it would never be so hard again! She is well on the road of her leadership journey.

The Story of the Nothing Box

Participants in the leadership and management programs that I am involved in love all of the program and workshop content (clever and appreciative little people that they are!) I can’t take all of the credit though –that must go to my wonderful guest speakers! One such gem is Avril Henry- who teaches the importance of understanding and appreciating diversity in the workplace- be it gender, generation or cultural diversity.

By far the most favourite bit is about how men and women think and communicate differently (Yes –it is true!) Men are much more single minded where as women not only multi task but multi think. Avril gives a wonderful analogy to highlight this. If you took the top off a man’s head and looked inside his brain -one can see a series of boxes- a “sport”  box, a “fishing or hobby “ box , a “family” box, a “work” box, a “ sex “ box, and a “nothing” box. Men have one box open at a time and we (females) are not welcome in that box. It is not our box. If the work box is open then that is what he is thinking of, if the sport box is open then that is the only focus .If the “nothing” box is open then that is genuinely what he is thinking of-“nothing” and that is fine-It doesn’t mean anything is wrong as many women assume. If you ask what your male partner is thinking and he says nothing-he means nothing! That is just his way of thinking.

Conversely if you looked inside a woman’s brain you see a big ball of string all interconnected so that women can be thinking of work, family, friends, TV shows, books, gossip etc all at once. We rarely have nothing on our mind- So if you are having relationship angst around how your man (and male work colleagues) communicates, it may be helpful to consider what box is open and respect that nothing box!

It is not uncommon after the workshop for participants to ask Avril to go home with them and explain the nothing box to their wives or girlfriends. One participant felt it was a message worthy of national broadcasting and inclusion in all school curriculums-so thrilled he was to have his thinking of nothing moments validated and decriminalised.

Stay tuned for the next instalment-The Story of the Diminishing Daily Word Usage.

Wobbly about Goal Setting

I have been asked to be a guest speaker at local women’s networking group tomorrow night. I love speaking to groups of women and love the business promotion opportunities that they provide- in fact I love speaking full stop-just ask anyone who knows me! * Yet I am currently uncharacteristically, underwhelmed at the prospect, as the topic is “goal setting”.


Now goal setting is basically the bread and butter of any good coaching session so I should be filled with enthusiasm and ideas for the talk. So what does this uncommon reluctance tell me? Like all good coaches, I do lots of self reflecting-Why am I feeling this reaction? What is the deeper meaning here? How can I make the talk tomorrow evening helpful and engaging for the people who come?

This is what I have discovered from my self questioning.

We are bombarded with messages- internally-by ourselves and externally- by others- about goal setting- lose weight, get rich, spend less, be kinder etc etc-particularly at this time of year-Post NYE and the start of the working year -so my reluctance comes from knowing that many such goals are set, yet many more are discarded, not met and so the whole exercise becomes a bit of a downer. So I am concerned that people will just hear goal setting and switch off.

Therefore, I have decided that the crux of my talk will be to inspire people to take some time out of their busy lives and plan how they want their life to be in 2012-in all it’s glory-work, play, study, money, travel-whatever -then choose the domain that they want to make the biggest change and decide what needs to happen first to help that change happen-so before they know it my audience would have set themselves a target and the g.o.a.l. word has not even been mentioned!**

In conclusion I will remind the audience that the most successful people never tackle such a change program on their own and to encourage them to understand change takes time, support of others and rewarding of small steps. I’ll let you know how it goes.

By the way-what are your tips for effective goal setting?

* In case you are worried about what sort of coach I would be please, be re-assured I am an excellent listener as well (and modest, as you can already tell)

** I will use a Mind Mapping technique- a very powerful and easy way to plan, and then review your life.

Awesome

One of my favourite websites is TED.It is a perfect repository of inspirational, uplifting, entertaining and engaging 18 minute video talks by famous and not so famous people about ideas worth spreading. The talks are the perfect teaching tool for adult educators -particularly in the dreaded after lunch time slot-No workshop participant of mine has ever gone to sleep during a TED talk (or checked their iphone facebook or twitter account surreptitiously under the desk)

I was conducting a workshop recently – on workplace happiness - and showed the group this TED talk on the Three A’s of Awesome. It is a powerful reminder of the importance of seeing the joy and wonder in the simple, often taken for granted things  in our lives-hot coffee, clean sheets, flowers, taps with water, crisp toast, earl grey tea( my personal early morning tipple) – a much needed message in our frantic rushed stressed lives .Give yourself 18 minutes, watch the video and let me know what is awesome for you at the moment!

One Smart Cookie

One of Redgate’s clients is new to management. She is a very clever, experienced health professional yet smart enough to know that knowing how to treat and diagnose patients does not mean that she will also know how to lead and manage people (a common myth in Australian healthcare settings) so she is doing leadership and management training to help her feel more comfortable and competent in her new role.
The leadership program involves a lot of self assessment and reflection- because you can’t manage anyone –until you can manage and know yourself. This client knows she is naturally very task oriented-an essential management skill -and she also knows that she is self contained, private, almost an introvert and gets impatient with people who waffle or wants lots of hand holding and reassurance-characteristics that can lead team members to see such leaders as aloof and disinterested. She is aware of this potential barrier to building staff morale, trust and productivity and has come up with a smart system to address it.
My client knows that she needs to make personal contact with her team frequently and that she needs to make those contacts positive and affirming .To help herself do this she has a checklist with every team members name on it that she looks at the end of every week to record her progress. Her goal is to have at least one positive face to face (not email) contact with each person a week.

Not rocket science as they say-just a methodical approach to ensuring core leadership behaviour of reaching out in a supportive way to all team members becomes second nature!

How is she progressing? Three months down the track, she is meeting her weekly positive contact goals, the team is working well, there are no performance issues and she is growing in confidence.

Think before you speak

Ok dear readers-turn off the mobile, radio, TV, eyes to the screen, pull your chair close and listen up-this blog is about communication-something we give scant attention to. A lovely client of mine this week was bemoaning that his exercises in assertive communication were not going so well. He was trying to get his boss and allied HR people in his company to help him with a long over due and much deserved pay rise and was hitting a brick wall at every turn. I asked what he had done and this is the story .He had written the appropriate brief and request as per company policy -sent it off-heard nothing- he had emailed the appropriate person -heard nothing-emailed again-heard nothing-then left a voice mail-heard nothing back. Can you see a pattern emerging here?


In coaching, this recount brought us to what is called a “teachable moment”-so we took a close look at what communication actually is –to understand the breakdown that was occurring.

If we use email or voice mail or snail mail-all the power of response is with the receiver of the message-not the sender. They can ignore, throw away, delete our preciously crafted message and all has been for nought .In my clients case, his "receivers" are clearly not interested in helping him with his rightful request so can easily duck and weave by ignoring his messages.My client 0- his boss 1

Assertive communication (win-win) is when both parties have equal power of send and reply ,and therefore needs the most balanced channel-face to face or phone. It is a lot harder to wiggle away from a well crafted, clear, concise, respectful message delivered calmly and firmly ( which by the way is the formula for assertive communication)in person or on the phone.

So my lovely client has his revised homework-to make an appointment time and have the needed exchange in person .This way, he takes back some of the power and may get the response required or not. At least he will know he has persisted -and that my friends,is the key to navigating the murky waters of standing up for yourself at work.

Wise Women

I attended the Macquarie University Leadership Conference  last week.My idea of heaven! I love learning and I love meeting and hearing successful women talk about their own leadership journey . I was inspired by Andrea Culligan who gave her fast-track to leadership tips during one of the sessions.

Status means nothing and has no influence on your future

Andrea was a self confessed high school drop out who arrived in Australia, from the northern hemisphere with $300, escaping life dramas and a seemingly bleak future.Since then, over the last 10 years Andrea has established Unimail, an agency that specialises in the field of graduate attraction and engagement. She has taken this concept to Canada. In 2009 she was awarded Telstra NSW Young Businesswoman of the Year. Andrea is rightly proud of her achievements with no initial social, economic or educational  advantages.

Self Awareness

Knowing yourself is essential to business success.Andrea has surrounded herself with people who complement  her strengths and balance her weaknesses.

Set High Expectations for Yourself

Andrea has set high goals and standards of behaviour and hard work for herself  and is uncompromising about how this has set her up for ongoing success

Make Mistakes

Andrea says she has learnt as much  from what didn't work ,as what did  work over the last 10 years.

Be Open to Every Opportunity, Experience and New Ideas

Andrea feels very strongly that this has enabled her to see opportunities and develop innovative and creative ways to promote her brand and her business.

Fabulous and timeless tips from a courageous, talented , hard working inspiring leader.
Which one resonates with you?

Ode to Gen Y Mums on Work

One of my favourite blogs is my daughter at Not Another Blogging Mother. A recent blog touches on whether women can combine career and family life and how young women  can approach this successfully.The blog arrived the day before Redgate Consulting attended a workshop on leadership for women run by the wondrous Avril Henry.Like many things in life, it was great timing to help me formulate my wise old owl /Baby Boomer  response. Avril has two key messages to women about their career and work life choices -ditch the guilt and stop seeking approval from others for your decisions.

Guilt is a negative and useless emotion-a common response and something too many women are prone to- but ditch it quickly.
The only approval that we need to seek for our decisions is our own –not others. If your immediate family (partner and kiddies) are all for mothers returning to paid work-then just do it. Ignore all others-mothers, sisters, friends, media stars etc. It is your life-not theirs.

We had a special guest speaker at the workshop- the irrepressible and hugely talented Dr Adam Fraser.Adam also had a key message for our group about being present in the roles we have, as a key to crafting an effective work life formula.

When you are at work-be at work-don’t do the typical “Oh my god, I am a bad mother because I have left Leroy at child care and my mother doesn’t approve and he will probably be emotionally and intellectually scarred blah blah”. Ditch that thought and do your work.

When you are home ,don’t do the “Oh my god, I am a bad butcher- baker-candlestick maker, whatever, because I am only working part time and everyone looked at me when I walked out at 4 to pick up Leroy and they will think I am lazy and useless.” Just be at home-Cuddle Leroy, play with him, do the washing -whatever but just be present.

A few of my own tips-If it is not too late, choose your partner well. (Otherwise undertake a major exercise in re-education).It is a much easier journey when two adults share life with children. By that I mean share the domestic load and duties. Outsource anything you can and discuss who will do what. It is a total copout that women have to do all the domestics. As it is to think that intelligent, educated and skilled women leave their brain near the labour ward. Purposeful work is one of life’s great joys and no one would dare assume that the men would not want to continue with their career -in some form or other –when their children arrive. Yes-despite the natural ebbs and flows of life-with physical and emotional support from partners, determination and a commitment to crafting a truly thriving and satisfying life –women can have it all.

Two ears and one mouth

Superior communication skills distinguish superior leaders and managers from the rest-Agree? Yet even basic communication skills are disappearing. I was in an important coaching teleconference this morning, with 5 managers, and while someone was talking-we could all hear the tip tap of someone else on their keyboard,over the phone-Very natural to try to use a teleconference to multitask but not respectful of the others in the group or good listening by the keyboarder!


The most important of the important communication skills for bosses is active listening-giving someone your full attention-really concentrating on their message-their words , tone of voice and body language, looking them in the eye , phones off, body facing the person and your mouth zipped-not answering your mobile rings or texts alerts, not glancing at the computer longingly to check yet another email, thinking about what you will cook for dinner tonight and wishing they would hurry up and get to the point as well as mentally constructing your own verbal reply full of managerial expertise and advice, delivered using your preferred voice- your own! We have two ears and one mouth for a reason-listening is better than talking. How are you at really listening to your staff?

The Power of Speaking Up

Lots of Redgate clients over the last month have bravely experimented with having "difficult conversations"-mostly with their bosses or tricky colleagues.In coaching sessions we structure the conversation using the DESC model-Describe the situation-State the Emotional response they had-Outline the desired Situation and then describe the Consequences.
 The two most important rules are to:-

• Always use an I statement , not you statements

e.g. I was confused/angry/upset/worried etc  when x happened-not you made me confused/angry/upset/worried etc when x happened.

• Stay neutral and professional-this is not the place or time  for tears, yelling, sarcasm( in fact there is never a place for this bevaiour in any workplace -but more on that another time!)

The clients have  all reported that the conversations went well , with them feeling heard and having their needs acknowledged and met.The power of speaking up-unbeatable!

Effective leaders do the right things, not the popular things.

I spend a lot of time at the start of leadership training and coaching discussing the traits and behaviours of effective leadership with clients. Sadly, many Australian companies do not have a structured and appropriate approach to developing and mentoring new leaders and managers-often promoting people who have been highly skilled and competent in their professional arena-law, accounting, nursing etc, and then expecting this technical expertise to transfer magically to skills needed to lead, inspire and manage people!
A major trap people then fall into, is thinking they need to stay friends with previous colleagues and struggle when dealing with performance issues.
This is a slippery slope for leaders-as the more they let go-the harder it is to pull back and get respect from the rest of the team-who believe me are watching every move made.
So it takes courage and bravery but effective leaders do the right thing-not the popular thing.

Emotional Intelligence

Note to Tony Abbott
Emotional Intelligence = The ability to do what is in your own best interests, despite the  urge to do what you want to do.
Our national leaders have a tough life with 24/ 7 media scrutiny, needing to be focused on polling and staying ahead of the opposition . BUT if you say the thing you want to say-perhaps for example-about homosexuality, virginity, ironing and the death of young soldiers rather than what is in your own best interests and that of others( the people who are homosexual,  do the ironing, are not virgins and who have lost children in war)  -then there will be very ruffled feathers, public outcry and a drop in popularity.

I am all for being true to yourself and speaking authentically-but with the active use of emotional intelligence- stop-pause to think-What impact will this statement have on the people who can get access to it? Am I best to say nothing at all or can I craft my language so  my actual message is heard and received sensitively- Then maybe the bad press and unexpected results will be reduced? What we say and how we say it has enormous impact on our effectivness as leaders and relationships with people. Developing strong emotional intelligence is the key, as it makes us mindful of our comments and mindful of the people around us.

Bullies

Redgate hates bullies!Two wonderful,young,clever and talented professionals that we have been working with, quit their positions, recently, because they found that ,despite being brave and tacking the bad and toxic behaviour of bullies in their workplace-using all the proper channels-speaking up, speaking respectfully, trying to follow HR processes, going to their bosses etc-nothing was done -so they are putting their mental health, their physical health and enjoyment of work first-as well as their families-and leaving for better , hopefully, more harmonious pastures.Message to bosses - if you don't deal with bullies-you will lose good workers.If you don't know how to ,then ask for help to develop the required skills.Australian organisations and companies cannot afford to lose such talented people.
We would love to hear from you if you have successfully had a bully change their behaviour or made you leave a job? Any success stories out there or does evil mostly triumph?

Recipe for Thriving at Work

As everyone heads back to work this year keep in mind the importance of monitoring your energy and effectiveness levels.Somehow we have lost the art of living slowly and our poor little human bods can't keep up with a relentless and stressful work pace.So first step is to plan your first mini break , now and even better plan your whole year - with enough time for you, your family and your hobbies, so you can keep up the pace and productivity at work.
If you plan to recharge, refresh and renew then you will be on the road to thriving rather than surviving!One colleague set herself a rule to always eat lunch away from her desk last year and recounts that practice alone,helped enormously with a big big year of work.What other tips do people have?

E for Enjoy

The last pillar in the happiness formula "CHOOSE" is E for Enjoy-It is essential to make yourself get off the treadmill daily to take time to enjoy what you are doing-when you are doing it-This means enjoying your work through focused attention to the task at hand-notice I didn"t say tasks-we need to spend more time on one job at a time-one phone call, one staff catch up, one email-not all three at once!Enjoying your meals or coffee breaks through consciously enjoying the yummy flavours and textures, the time to relax ; Enjoy your commute to and from work-listening to music, admiring any scenery then finally enjoying your home when you get there and giving loved ones full attention-most of us have wandering minds-at work thinking-I must be a better parent/partner while at home thinking I must be  a better boss/employee-a sure fire  recipe for spiralling mood and productivity-give mindfulness a go and you may be surprised at the difference it can make.
What helps you live more in the moment?

S is for Strengths

Most of us are very bad at knowing our strengths-your individual attributes or qualities.We are much more likely to be experts on what our weaknesses are-even if we don't verbalise our foibles to others,we definitely do to ourselves using that nasty little Miss negative internal voice.( Yes-women are worse at this than men-hence the use of "Miss").

So -the first step to using personal Strengths is to be aware of them-then we can begin to use that knowledge to capitalise on them and plan our happy work life around them.It is very freeing to accept yourself and use the strengths you have -rather than beat yourself up about what you are not so good at or inclined to.

Martin Seligman-the founding father of the Learned Optimism movement and Positive

Psychology has a free online test that you can undertake to assist you in knowing your

strengths. The test is called the Values In Action Signature Strengths and is available free at

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/

What are your top 5 strengths and are you using them in your life?

Next Step-Others

Where was I before I was rudely interrupted by 5 weeks away? Oh yes-back to the CHOOSE model of happiness.

The next letter is O-for others.Strong relationships with others are a key ingredient to happiness in life."Other" people include family, friends, co-workers, employees, bosses-even pets. Humans are social creatures and we need and seek the warmth and affirmation that comes from having people we can relate to, confide in and share our life with.

If you are doing an audit on your happiness-consider your important relationships- at work are you fostering, developing and manintaining good professional relationships? At home are you giving your significant others the attention and time they warrant? Be deeply honest with yourself.It matters.

Next Step to Happiness-Optimism

Next installment of the CHOOSE Happiness at Work Model is O for Optimism.
(I have covered C- Clarity of direction in life and knowing where you want to be in life and work and H-Health in previous blogs)

Optimism is defined as having a  positive attitude about yourself, your future and your world.
Optimism is not just about taking a glass half full view of the world-Someone,very sensibly, said recently that a glass half full of water is also half empty.Life is full of plenty of challenges to tackle either negatively or positively. Some issues are also outside of our control so a degree of realistic thinking is needed along with a postive approach. Your tendency to be optimistic or pessimistic is pretty much part of your personality- a factor of family genes as well as how you have seen people tackle problems over the years when you were a small person. The key message about optimism is that it is incredibly important-if you do nothing else on this little Regater walk up the path to choosing happiness at work-do optimism. Optimistic thinkers are not only happier, they are healthier, more successful, have better relationships blah blah blah. So even if you are usually a paid up, full time and founding member of the temple of doom club- practice turning some of those negative thoughts into a more positive ones, on a daily basis.


As the Dalai Lama said

"The central method for achieving a happier life is to train your mind in a daily practice that weakens negative attitudes and strengthens positive ones"


I would love to hear your thoughts on optimism.

Open the gate to happiness at work-Step 3

Did I mention that the Happiness model that I am promoting is the one used by Australia's very own Dr Happy-Dr Tim Sharp? Tim is Chief Happiness Officer of The Happiness Institute, his organization that helps individuals and companies enhance happiness -with stunning personal and fiscal results. I studied with Dr Sharp last year and think his model is tops.

So step three on the model is HEALTH-repeat after me-you cannot achieve long lasting and productive happiness in your work if you neglect your health.

Too many of us work too long-cramming a few days work into a day, not eating well, not exercising and then wonder why we can't sleep properly, can't switch off thinking about work and why our kids and friends and partners need to be reminded of our names .Working too hard and long keeps us ramped up on adrenalin, technology ensures we can be contacted at all hours - throw in some financial stress and pesky demanding  bosses and colleagues and surprise surprise-before we  know it we are burned out , bitter and battered-physically and emotionally. If you keep this up-you will be "spat off the wheel" and it will not be pleasant or pretty.

This is the catch 22 of happiness- leading the flourishing and rewarding life you want to lead-as determined from your visioning activity and plan-will be impossible-unless you have energy and stamina that comes with healthy living-eating well, staying fit, relaxing and recuperating well. Conversely, the healthier you are , the more you can cope with life challenges , bounce back from them and stick to your happiness resolutions.

Successful, energetic , passionate people often do work long hours and work extremely hard- however the ones ,that can sustain that lifestyle,  will always have a health regime that they stick to religiously. High performance demands quality fuel and regular rest and maintenance- in cars, racehorses and humans!!

So sit down and do a health audit- how well are you sleeping, how much exercise are you doing, how do you feel emotionally, is your diet full of healthy and nutritious food, do you plan decent recovery times and activities ?

Be brutally honest and then brutal with yourself in designing your "healthy life = happiness" plan-make sure you include exercise and activity, healthy nutritious food and rest and recovery activities.Then start following it straight away- no time to delay or excuses please.

"Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness"

Edward Stanley

Let me know what your top health tips are as well as if you have story of being spat off the wheel and how you recovered.

Open the gate to happiness at work-Step 2

So- now you have your vision of how you want to be living in 5 years-it may include where you live, who you live with, how you work,what sort of work you are doing,  where you work, how much you work, what places you have visited, skills mastered and hobbies rediscovered-a visioning exercise can lead to wonderful discoveries of who you really are and what you really want-as mentioned before,many of us are on auto pilot and don't get the time or make the time to revisit what we want from life and plan how to get it.
The visioning  helps you get clarity and direction.

So step 2 to happiness at work:-

• Look at your vision and work out what things can be achieved straight away, in the short term and then in the longer term-pick out what really matters to you-even if it looks scary-like career change/house change/partner change!
• If there is very little you would change-fantastic-You would already be content with your lot , and this would include your work-we spend so much time at work that if all is fine and dandy in your world then you have mastered the art of thriving at work. (be it paid or unpaid)
• If there are only a few tweaks then start plotting what needs to be done first and how to do it- additional training? a mentor? a sabbatical needed? 
• If there are major changes to be made-congratulations on coming to this realisation and being brave and honest enough to admit it.Next choose an area that seems achievable and begin to explore your options.

So for the time being ,dear Redgaters, sit down and tease out what issues you can begin to focus on and what steps are needed overcome the issue.

It goes without saying that a leadership coach can help enormously with this step- as an objective and confidential sounding board and guide.