Two ears and one mouth

Superior communication skills distinguish superior leaders and managers from the rest-Agree? Yet even basic communication skills are disappearing. I was in an important coaching teleconference this morning, with 5 managers, and while someone was talking-we could all hear the tip tap of someone else on their keyboard,over the phone-Very natural to try to use a teleconference to multitask but not respectful of the others in the group or good listening by the keyboarder!


The most important of the important communication skills for bosses is active listening-giving someone your full attention-really concentrating on their message-their words , tone of voice and body language, looking them in the eye , phones off, body facing the person and your mouth zipped-not answering your mobile rings or texts alerts, not glancing at the computer longingly to check yet another email, thinking about what you will cook for dinner tonight and wishing they would hurry up and get to the point as well as mentally constructing your own verbal reply full of managerial expertise and advice, delivered using your preferred voice- your own! We have two ears and one mouth for a reason-listening is better than talking. How are you at really listening to your staff?

The Power of Speaking Up

Lots of Redgate clients over the last month have bravely experimented with having "difficult conversations"-mostly with their bosses or tricky colleagues.In coaching sessions we structure the conversation using the DESC model-Describe the situation-State the Emotional response they had-Outline the desired Situation and then describe the Consequences.
 The two most important rules are to:-

• Always use an I statement , not you statements

e.g. I was confused/angry/upset/worried etc  when x happened-not you made me confused/angry/upset/worried etc when x happened.

• Stay neutral and professional-this is not the place or time  for tears, yelling, sarcasm( in fact there is never a place for this bevaiour in any workplace -but more on that another time!)

The clients have  all reported that the conversations went well , with them feeling heard and having their needs acknowledged and met.The power of speaking up-unbeatable!

Effective leaders do the right things, not the popular things.

I spend a lot of time at the start of leadership training and coaching discussing the traits and behaviours of effective leadership with clients. Sadly, many Australian companies do not have a structured and appropriate approach to developing and mentoring new leaders and managers-often promoting people who have been highly skilled and competent in their professional arena-law, accounting, nursing etc, and then expecting this technical expertise to transfer magically to skills needed to lead, inspire and manage people!
A major trap people then fall into, is thinking they need to stay friends with previous colleagues and struggle when dealing with performance issues.
This is a slippery slope for leaders-as the more they let go-the harder it is to pull back and get respect from the rest of the team-who believe me are watching every move made.
So it takes courage and bravery but effective leaders do the right thing-not the popular thing.

Emotional Intelligence

Note to Tony Abbott
Emotional Intelligence = The ability to do what is in your own best interests, despite the  urge to do what you want to do.
Our national leaders have a tough life with 24/ 7 media scrutiny, needing to be focused on polling and staying ahead of the opposition . BUT if you say the thing you want to say-perhaps for example-about homosexuality, virginity, ironing and the death of young soldiers rather than what is in your own best interests and that of others( the people who are homosexual,  do the ironing, are not virgins and who have lost children in war)  -then there will be very ruffled feathers, public outcry and a drop in popularity.

I am all for being true to yourself and speaking authentically-but with the active use of emotional intelligence- stop-pause to think-What impact will this statement have on the people who can get access to it? Am I best to say nothing at all or can I craft my language so  my actual message is heard and received sensitively- Then maybe the bad press and unexpected results will be reduced? What we say and how we say it has enormous impact on our effectivness as leaders and relationships with people. Developing strong emotional intelligence is the key, as it makes us mindful of our comments and mindful of the people around us.

Bullies

Redgate hates bullies!Two wonderful,young,clever and talented professionals that we have been working with, quit their positions, recently, because they found that ,despite being brave and tacking the bad and toxic behaviour of bullies in their workplace-using all the proper channels-speaking up, speaking respectfully, trying to follow HR processes, going to their bosses etc-nothing was done -so they are putting their mental health, their physical health and enjoyment of work first-as well as their families-and leaving for better , hopefully, more harmonious pastures.Message to bosses - if you don't deal with bullies-you will lose good workers.If you don't know how to ,then ask for help to develop the required skills.Australian organisations and companies cannot afford to lose such talented people.
We would love to hear from you if you have successfully had a bully change their behaviour or made you leave a job? Any success stories out there or does evil mostly triumph?

Recipe for Thriving at Work

As everyone heads back to work this year keep in mind the importance of monitoring your energy and effectiveness levels.Somehow we have lost the art of living slowly and our poor little human bods can't keep up with a relentless and stressful work pace.So first step is to plan your first mini break , now and even better plan your whole year - with enough time for you, your family and your hobbies, so you can keep up the pace and productivity at work.
If you plan to recharge, refresh and renew then you will be on the road to thriving rather than surviving!One colleague set herself a rule to always eat lunch away from her desk last year and recounts that practice alone,helped enormously with a big big year of work.What other tips do people have?

E for Enjoy

The last pillar in the happiness formula "CHOOSE" is E for Enjoy-It is essential to make yourself get off the treadmill daily to take time to enjoy what you are doing-when you are doing it-This means enjoying your work through focused attention to the task at hand-notice I didn"t say tasks-we need to spend more time on one job at a time-one phone call, one staff catch up, one email-not all three at once!Enjoying your meals or coffee breaks through consciously enjoying the yummy flavours and textures, the time to relax ; Enjoy your commute to and from work-listening to music, admiring any scenery then finally enjoying your home when you get there and giving loved ones full attention-most of us have wandering minds-at work thinking-I must be a better parent/partner while at home thinking I must be  a better boss/employee-a sure fire  recipe for spiralling mood and productivity-give mindfulness a go and you may be surprised at the difference it can make.
What helps you live more in the moment?