Think before you speak

Ok dear readers-turn off the mobile, radio, TV, eyes to the screen, pull your chair close and listen up-this blog is about communication-something we give scant attention to. A lovely client of mine this week was bemoaning that his exercises in assertive communication were not going so well. He was trying to get his boss and allied HR people in his company to help him with a long over due and much deserved pay rise and was hitting a brick wall at every turn. I asked what he had done and this is the story .He had written the appropriate brief and request as per company policy -sent it off-heard nothing- he had emailed the appropriate person -heard nothing-emailed again-heard nothing-then left a voice mail-heard nothing back. Can you see a pattern emerging here?


In coaching, this recount brought us to what is called a “teachable moment”-so we took a close look at what communication actually is –to understand the breakdown that was occurring.

If we use email or voice mail or snail mail-all the power of response is with the receiver of the message-not the sender. They can ignore, throw away, delete our preciously crafted message and all has been for nought .In my clients case, his "receivers" are clearly not interested in helping him with his rightful request so can easily duck and weave by ignoring his messages.My client 0- his boss 1

Assertive communication (win-win) is when both parties have equal power of send and reply ,and therefore needs the most balanced channel-face to face or phone. It is a lot harder to wiggle away from a well crafted, clear, concise, respectful message delivered calmly and firmly ( which by the way is the formula for assertive communication)in person or on the phone.

So my lovely client has his revised homework-to make an appointment time and have the needed exchange in person .This way, he takes back some of the power and may get the response required or not. At least he will know he has persisted -and that my friends,is the key to navigating the murky waters of standing up for yourself at work.